disturbed

on and on and on

2006-06-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

a professor told us that life is a dicsussion - that once you entered it youa re obliged to share some of your ideas amongst the other people involved in it, and that whether you stay or leave, the discussion will still go on.

_______________

wla lng...totoo nga naman yun. mamatay ka man, meron pa ding life kung hindi man para s'yo e para sa ibang tao. kaya kung ikaw ay masyadong nagpapakalulong sa sadness at depression dahil feeling mo walang kwenta buhay mo, umayos ka. isipin mo na kung aalis ka sa earth madami pa ding matitira na mas masaya. ano namang pakialam nila sa isang katulad mo depres-depresan at lungkot-lungkutan. kaya ang mabuting gawin e tigilan na yang drama na yan dahil mamamatay ka lang ng may wrinkles.

either you opt to join the discussion or not, they wouldn't care. but you should. after all, a discussion goes on and on, and so should you.

magic may be gone

2006-05-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

a few months of magic might be ending....

i don't know how...

i don't know why...

maybe we're not that sure about everything...

maybe it's just magic...

it's not reality...

we were disillussioned...

like innocent children...

magic may be fun to watch...

but in the end, you'll realize that you were only fooled...

tsk..tsk..tsk

2006-05-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

a conversation during a phone screening i conducted at convergys...

moi: good afternoon! im looking for mr.hernandez. this is ynna from convergys.

guy: yes, hi ynna. this is he speaking.

moi: hi sir, i got your resume from jobstreet yesterday. i would just like to know if you're still willing to pursue you application here at convergys alabang?

guy: of course. that's good to hear.

moi: thanks sir. uhmmm. may i ask a coupla of questions if you don't mind?

guy: sure

(moi askjed a few questions for the screening. they guy seemed good in conversing and is a real potential employee. moi hopes to see the guy for the personal interview...until...)

moi: this would be my last question sir. are you amenable to graveyard shifts?

guy: o, i'm sorry but i'm not.

moi: uhhmmm, sir, here in convergys, we expect our applicants to be willing to work on graveyard shifts because we operate 24/7. and as you see, a customer care representative needs to be flexible because that's what the job calls for.

guy: i'm sorry but that's not negotiable. because, you see, im a single guy and night time is the only time i go out to meet some girls. it's the only good time to look for my prospects.

moi: oh...ok, i guess that would be all sir..just wait for our call in the following days to update your application, ok?

guy: ok, thanks

tsk..tsk...tsk...

how hard could it be?

2006-05-17T03:25:00.000-07:00

i just came from a meeting with my practicum coordinator here at convergys and she gave me an assignment - to write an essay about the carrer path that i want to take.. hehehe...EASY...

but not really.

i am actually an incoming fourth year this semester at uplb under the Communication Arts degree. Supposedly, i should have an idea of what i'm going to be after college, but i dont.

i like to do many things after graduation. first of it is to go to sagada then have an asian cruise. yes, those two things should and must happen after graduation. but after that, i have no idea of where i am suppose to go.

some people are encouraging me to take my aunt's offer of studying MA in Australia. Wow! i'm going to study abroad! now how many people are given that chance!? not much, i suppose. but i'm giving it a second thought for i really do not know what to take up in my masters. i want to teach so probably an MA in education is on sight. i would also want to venture in advertising because it's so much fun (as far as COMA 105 is concerned), but then again, i'm not yet sure if advertising is really my passion.

next to MA, i am also giving law a consideration. in november, there would be LAE. i want to take it just so to know if i can pass it. but i'm thinking of taking it next year after i graduate so that i can give law a deeper thought. because as of now, i think that i'm just attracted to it because i am in a debate organization.

i really don't know what path to take. i can be so many things since i am taking up commart, which is a very versatile course. but then, when we have so many choices, like i have, it is so much harder to weigh things.

all i want when i graduate is to actuallu get out of my parents house, be self supporting and earn a handful that can allow me to go out on weekends and afford a nine west stilletos. is that hard to accomplish?!

maybe it is. especially when you have so many plans and so many possibilities right in front of you.

but as of now, i have no choice but to finish the essay, go to work tomorrow, meet with abe and ji at night and have a whole lot of fun. now that's an easier one.

i wish i knew how to quit you

2006-05-14T00:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes, you just have to give up precious things to have the more precious ones.

recently, i am trying to stop smoking for the very fact that he doesn't like me to do so.

i am trying to make sense of it because i personally don't want to give up smoking because that is one thing that makes me "blythe". it is not the whole of me but still, it is a big part of me. i've been smoking for two years now and i can't easily stop just because someone said so.

but then again, i guess, love got the better of me and i realized that this is what i have to do to get what i long wanted, which is a good relationship with a good guy.

for the first time in my life, someone had the guts to make me stop smoking. after a couple of relationships, finally, someone has true concern for me. he didn't mind being blamed by my friends. he didn't even mind if my friends get angry at him for trying to change my habits.

all he cares for is em. and i really appreciate it. deeply.

it is hard not to smoke specially when everybody around does, but i have to for i might hurt that someone who truly cares for me-that someone that i've looked for for a long time.

smoking may be a big part of me, but for now, he is even more bigger.

practicum...again

2006-05-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

bakit kapag humiling ka talaga, sobra-sobra yung binibigay sau?!

_____________________________________

for the past two days, i'm doing nothing but mind my practicum...before, no company would accept me for i've been late in submitting my resume and other requirements, but now, three companies are simultaneously hiring me for practicum jobs...

it's just too much and i think i have to think first before considering those companies...

besides, i only need 180 hours of practicum work...

shux, i need to think twice, and even thrice....

though it's hard to choose, it's kind of flattering for all these companies to be looking for you even if i kow that all they would make me do are clerical works..hehehe...

hope i'll be in the right hands...

hope i'll finish my practicum on time...

hope i'll have fun...

hope i won't turn out as Paris Hilton...the "intern"...hahaha

graduation blues

2006-04-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

yesterday, i watched the graduation rites in UPLB. as usual, it was a very long graduation with aproximately a thousand graduate, but nevertheless, i had fun screaming for my friends who finished college. nagkaroon agad ng instant screaming team ang parliament dahil sa amin na nagpakawalang hiya at sumigaw nang sumigaw para sa mga orgmates na umaakyat sa stage.

it was my first time to witness such that's why i was touched when i saw lots of orgs showing their support for their members who were marching. you can see how tight orgs in UPLB are with all the banners, balloons and paputok that were offered yesterday.

of course, i was particularly proud of my organization, the Parliament, who, despite the small number, screamed their lungs out and took the effort to stand for hours and wait for our orgmates' names to be called. well, that's how it is in the Parliament. That's how we love each other. That's why i love those guys and I know that when it is my turn o march next year (hopefully!), i will see not only banners, and balloons for me, but also fireworks, marching bands, streetdancers, choppers with streamers, billboard size tarps, welcoming committee, etc, etc, etc...

right guys?! hehehe

______________________________________

honestly, i admire the top 1 student of 2006 graduates of UPLB. he was an applied physics student and got an average of 1.14. Shux!! kumusta yun di ba?!

but then, when he delivered his valedictory speech last night, my admiration for him diminished. not only did he delivered his speech blandly, but he also delivered a lame speech. given that he is an applied physics student and that he knows little about speech construction, but for goodness sake, he didn't have to talk about the 1st chapter of The Purpose Driven Life in such an event where people have high expectations of him. His speech turned out to be a synthesis of the 1st chapter of the book.

it was very disappointing for it was such a cliche. i could hear that speech from a high school graduation. for heaven sake, it was a UP graduation ceremony. People there expected something new and inspiring, but what they got was nothing except a speaker with poor diction and a monotonous voice.

forgive me for being so harsh but that is just the way it is. being a UP graduate means that you need only to be good academically but also in other aspects as well. your grades does not solely dictate your future. You must also learn that other things also exist such as social life.

he said in his speech that he is saddened by the fact that he graduaed without knowing his life's purpose. well, just a pice of advise mister, get a life first aside from your acads then proceed to knowing its purpose. ok?

but then again, congratulations!

unbelievable

2006-04-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

know the song "unbelievable" by craig david?

yan ang kanta ko ngayon..

it's so unbelievable
and i don't want to let it go
something so beautiful
flowing down like a waterfall
i fell like you'vealways been
forever a part of me
and it's so unbelievable
that i've finally been in love
somewhere i never thought i'd be

when i think of what i have
and this chance i nearly lost
i can't help but breakdown and cry
now i see what love means

____________________________________

sinong in love?!!!!

oo, ako na...
finally, i have my well-deserved GIFT...

heaven is at my side

2006-04-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

really, heaven is on my side...

pagkatapos ng mahabang kalbaryo ko noong nagdaang semestre, e2 ako, masaya. oo, siguro this is too soon pero anong pakialam ko, e masaya ko sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. kahit purga na ang utak ko kakadebate at pakikipaglaban sa mga halimaw na debaters ng ataneo at up diliman, masaya naman ako dahil magkasama kami.

oo na, ako na ang teeny bopper. ngayon ko lang uli naeenjoy ang paggiging teeny bopper. yung pakikipag holding hands habang nakasakay sa bus at taxi, yung pagmamasahe niya ng kamay ko, yung pagpapa-cute pag walang magawa, yung pagtetext kahit magkatabi, yung pagtulog sa iisang kama, yung pag-aaway kung sino unang maliligo o magtutooth brush, yung pagatatabi sa sinehan, yung pagsusubuan ng ice cream, yung pagsha-share ng isang beer, yung pagpipigil sa kin mag yosi, yung lahat-lahat ng kabaduyan sa mundo na dati e halos isuka ko na...

lulunukin ko din pala lahat yun ngayon.

yes, heaven is on my side kasi nararanasan ko yung mga ganoong bagay matapos ako magpakalunod sa pangarap ng isang lalaki noon, na alam kong hindi talaga para sa akin.

buti na lang, nandiyan siya para gisingin ako. nandiyan siya para ipamuka sa akin na wala naman talagang pangarap na nagkakatotoo kasi kung nagkatotoo na yun, hindi na pangarap yun, realidad na. siguro nga siya na ngayon ang realidad ko. siya na ang nasa tabi ko.

gin bilog

2006-03-19T22:15:00.000-08:00

ang mundo, bilog...

minsan nasa ibaba ka, minsan nasa itaas...

parang sex, minsan top ka, minsan bottomesa ka...

tulad rin ng bilog, cyclic, pasa-pasahan lang tayo ng mga ka-sex...

ang ka-sex mo kanina ay ka-sex na ng iba mamaya...

ganyan sa bilog, hindi ka makakaalis dahil mahirap umalis sa mundo...

pero para sa akin, kung mahirap umalis, mahirap ding pumasok...

sana makapasok na din ako sa sirkulasyon para hindi ko na lng siya nakitang nakapatong sa iba, habang paikot-ikot sila...

gulong ng palad

2006-03-13T00:25:00.000-08:00

sabi ng isa kong kaibigan, malalaman mong para sa iyo ang isang tao kapag nagtugma ang mga kamay nyo pag magkahawak kayo. totoo kaya yun?

malamang, kasi ang mga palad natin ay magkakaiba, walang palad na magkatulad, gaya ng walang katulad ang ating mga fingerprints. ang mga linya sa palad natin ay walang kapareha, at kapag natagpuan mo ang magsa-swak sa palad mo, malamang yun na talaga ang para sa iyo.

isa pa, para lang yang tadhana e. lahat tayo may nakatakda talaga para sa atin. Naniniwala ako na walang taong pinanganak na magisa kasi mayroon diyan na naghahanap para sa atin kagaya ng paghahanap rin natin para sa kanya.

kaso nga lang, kelangan mo munang humawak sa maraming palad bago mahanap ang katugma mo. minsan ang mahahawakan mo pasmado, minsan puro kalyo, minsan malambot, minsan naman wala lang.

pero ako, hindi ko pa alam kung kaninong palad makikipagyakap ang sarili kong palad dahil iilang beses mo pa lang naman hinawakan ang palad ko, ang nung hawak mo yun, para lang handshake ng mga brads o sisses....sadness.

sampung dahilan ng bakanteng blog

2006-03-13T00:12:00.000-08:00

bakit walang post dito?!
1. kasi tamad akong blogger
2. kasi wala akong maisip
3. kasi may writer's block (kung totoo man ito)
4. kasi walang nangyayari sa buhay ko (imposible naman ata yun)
5. kasi pangit yung iba kong post kaya binura ko
6. kasi ayoko mabasa ng iba ang sinulat ko (e bakit pa ko nagsulat in the first place?!)
7. kasi wala namang nagbabasa ng blog ko (kebs ko naman di ba!?)
8. kasi busy (yeah right!)
9. kasi sawa na ko
10. kasi papansin lang ako

deh, sa totoo lang kaya ganito ang blog ko ngayon ay may mga narealize ako sa buhay ko. dati, walang kwenta mga posts ko, lahat tungkol sa sarili ko, kaya ba ilang beses na akong pinahamak ng blog na ito e. pero namimiss ko din ang pagba-blog. ganun lang siguro yun, kelangan mo mamiss ang isang bagay para babalikbalikan mo. at pag binalikan mo, sabik na sabik ka.

so ano nga ang mga narealiza kodahil sa blog na to: una, ang drama ko sa buhay. pangalawa, masyado ko nang binubuksan ang sarili ko sa mundo. pangatlo, ang mediecre ko magsulat at kelangan kong baguhin yun. pang-apat, duwag ako sa totoong buhay kaya sa blog ko na binubuhos lahat. at ang panghuli, isa palang committment ang pagba-blog at kelangan itong panindigan kahit pilitin mo itong burahin sa sistema mo.

kaya eto ko ngayon, bumabalik para sa isang "renewed" blog. hehehe...sabi ko na papampam lang ako e.

para naman sa mga baca

2006-02-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

When I got hold of my UPCAT form almost four years ago, I had no definite decision of what course am I going to take for, honestly, I had spread myself too thinly during my high school days- trying out almost anything that I like. But as soon as I saw the AB Communication Arts as one of the courses offered in UPLB, I did not hesitate to put it on the form. I had BS Math as my second choice.
As I got accepted in the University, I did not know what to expect from AB Communication Arts. Initially, I thought it would just deal with different media and TV production. I took the course, clueless of what it is all about and how it was perceived by the University.
Up to this day, I live with upperclassmen, all of whom are taking up BS courses, specifically Statistics, Biology and Engineering. Since I was a freshman, they were all pushing me to shift to another course or to transfer to UP Diliman if I really want to pursue a career with relation to communication. I totally agree when they told me that Diliman offers better curriculum of the Arts.
I, being gullible, easily got encouraged but everything changed when I spent a little more time in the University. My interest in the course grew, having subjects that has something to do with reading novels and writing essays. Those are the things that I just considered as past times during my high school days. But now, I got to do it and enjoy it, and even got grades in return.
Add to the enjoyment the classmates you’ll never thought you’ll had. Yes, they can be a little weird at times, but I just have to deal with it. Anyway, they are interesting persons too. And do not forget the professors and instructors that are really passionate about literature. They can be extreme at times to the point that they will make you go to Payatas dumpsite just so you can make a decent paper on Hermeneutics. But nevertheless, they are tone of the best that the country has. The Humanities building also contributes to my interest in the course for it has served as the melting pot of UPLB. It has become the official tambayan of many students from different courses and the home of home of Comm Arts people, especially the smokers.

Still, friends criticize me for it has long been an issue that Comm Arts students do not have examinations and laboratories, and even labeled my course as BS GE. They also take notice of the fact that I am a consistent honor student and take it against me for all my subjects are GE courses only and do not require any computations. I also got comments from them that I have to be really dressy all the time so that I can fit in with the rest of the Comm Arts population. Sometimes, they even ask me if I will go to ICs bar on a Thursday night because, for them, Comm Arts students have their attendance checked every “gimik” night at ICs.
These things made me think before if I can really belong to my course. It is true that Comm Arts people can be loud at times and they are the ones who usually stand out in class but, as they say, there is always an exemption.
With these, I admit that I sometimes I’m not confident of my course. But what can I do, I have no choice. I learned to love it because I excel in it and I can freely express myself through it.

For my first years, my upperclassmen friends made me do their papers in their so-called “Comm Arts” subjects such as Hum1, Eng 1 and 2, and even Eng 10. In return, I got free lunches and dinners, or my favorite crème brulee at Zagu. But later on, I charged them for my labor. It’s about time that I get what I deserve.
During my sophomore year, I had Math 11, an elective for Communication Arts. My friends teased me that I might get delayed or even give up my honors because of the subject. But I proved them wrong when I passed the course with a whopping grade of 1. Pretty good for a Comm Arts student, huh?
After that, I got requests from repeaters of the subject to tutor them in exchange for free rides in the campus and free snacks.

But those were the days when I still had no majors. Now that I have major subjects, I don’t get free treats anymore and additional income. With speeches everyday, papers left and right and productions on the side, my life is almost taken away from me. I even gave up movie nights with friends and going home to Biñan during weekends. It’s only now that I’m beginning to realize how hard it is to be in this “BS GE” course.
This is what being Comm Arts Student is all about. It is not about the image and the subjects. It’s about hard work and how to enjoy it.